Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
there is glitter all over my balls
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
