The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
