I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Randomize
