she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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