I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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