my phone needs a breathalizer
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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