oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I am naked and annoyed.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
