I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
