I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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