I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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