You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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