Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
