dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
