I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after