If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home