Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this