It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
