i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Terrible idea I love it
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
