I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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