but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
We had sex on a dog bed..
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
