If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Randomize
