What a fucking waste of an outfit
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
