You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
