She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
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