I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
