Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
