I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
