This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
