people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
