Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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