i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
