so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I have fence marks all over my body
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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