I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Randomize
