First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize