sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
The air was thick with penises
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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