you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
