its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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