Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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