This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
