you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
