Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
