That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
