you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
