I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
It's just like the Real World with babies
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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