I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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