A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize