I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
