So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
