it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
