Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
She announced her abortion via fbk
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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