No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
