the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
