Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
