Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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