how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
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Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
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