He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
