Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
