Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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