Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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