I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
