You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
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Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
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Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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