Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
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I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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