He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
