so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
