you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
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Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
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Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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