When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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