first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Randomize
